I first joined fitness classes when I was still in primary school (13-14 years old). It wasn’t because I wanted to get stronger but because I wanted to get smaller. My body started to change (something very normal due to puberty), and I didn’t like it. I was very skinny for most of my childhood and got praised on it too, and I didn’t want to get “bigger”.
When I was 15-16 I decided to try a few diets other girls from my school followed. Those included: only eating bread (a friend of mine lost lots of weight following that diet, so I thought it was a good idea), then it was only apple diet, cabbage diet and not eating after 6pm diet. I also trained pretty much daily at 8pm in my room. I was obsessed with the way my body looked. Every time I passed next to the mirror, I would check my abs/belly.
When I was 18-19 I did my aerobic course and started teaching aerobic classes. I lost weight and got praised for it, but I wasn’t skinny enough when I looked in the mirror even then.
When I was 21 I moved to London. My food changed a lot, and I put on weight. So again, I tried to change it and lose weight.
When I went on my honeymoon, I kept worrying that I put on weight over the few weeks beforehand we spent in Europe with our friends and families.
These are just few snapshots from back in the day. I can’t remember not trying to make myself smaller in my younger years.
Over the last few years, my relationship with my body and myself changed a lot (having kids, pelvic floor issues and getting older might have something to do with it ).
A few months ago, I turned 40 (it’s still pretty hard to say that out loud lol ). And I can finally say I’m in peace with my body.
Some might say I’m lucky because I have good genetics. The thing is, I always had the same genetics! It’s not about how your body ACTUALLY looks like… it’s the perception of what you THINK your body looks like! And what do you believe it should look like.
I tried to make myself smaller for most of my life, not because I was “too big” but because I BELIEVED I needed to be smaller.